The Superstore

I have a supermarket story: A lady walked in to buy some chicken breast and legs. She was upset to see they were to small and asked a sales person to get her some larger ones and she would be walking about the store. Later the salesman called on the intercom: "The lady wanting bigger breasts and legs please come to the back of the store."

Another supermarket story: A cashier saying, "Price check on preperation H."

Schiavo

Terri Schiavo, the woman who sparked a major legal battle that reached all the way to the White House, was pronounced dead Thursday morning, 13 days after her feeding tube was removed.

I just couldn't believe it when I read it. Her parents were supposed to get an approval that day to have it re-inserted. What amazes me most, angers me morelike, is that the husband had the guardian ship over her, and not her parents. I mean these are her parents. No marriage can have more love and care than her own parents. While reading more on her story I find that the husband has a girl-friend at the moment, and not only that but 2 small children. -Obviously someone has moved on why would he want that kind of control over someone when he in fact was not fully committed. Reading about her slow death, starvation, not only makes me angry, but has in a way damaged my faith. How could God let that happen to her when there were so many opportunities for it to be turned around.

Bad Day In Hell

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair he has his first meeting with a demon...

Demon: Why so glum chum?
Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell.
Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here...You a drinkin' man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink. Love the drinks.
Demon: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab, and fresca...We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!
Guy: Gee that sounds great.

Demon: You a smoker?
Guy: You better believe it! Love the smoking.
Demon: Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie - you're already dead remember?
Guy: Wow...That's...Awesome!

Demon: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Why yes as a matter of fact I do. Love the gambling.
Demon: Cause Wednesday you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever... If you go Bankrupt...Well you're dead anyhow.

Demon: You into drugs?
Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...
Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want and if yah overdose - that's right - you're dead - who cares! O.D.!!
Guy: Yowza! I never realized Hell was such a swingin' place!!

Demon: You gay?
Guy: Uh no.

Demon: Ooooh (grimaces) you're really gonna hate Fridays.

Under The Influence

Have you ever noticed how music influences your mood? You listen to a song with a hardcore beat and you find yourself suddenly just wanting to rock out, where as if, your listening to a song about "lost love" you can't understand why out of no where you feel like you yourself have been denied the love of your life. Maybe it's something to do with the words, but I think it's more than that. Music brings out the feelings you didn't know you had and just maybe all you needed was a little help to bring them out. For example, on Sundays we listen to Scott doing his thing ( and now Greg as well ) and through the music we feel closer with God and we can't help but get excited about worshiping him. So let's start off the day with our " I'm walking on sunshine Woh Oh!" - even though it's raining, and have ourselves a Good Day.

Sanity

why is it that people these days seem to have every possible problem known to man. No one goes around all happy not a care in the world...except maybe kindergarteners.... ( yes it's a word )Wouldn't it be nice if we could go back to being in kindergarten? just one day where your biggest problem is who your going to play with at recess or who's the sucker you can trade your carrot sticks for a chocolate pudding. Ah the simple days of chocolate pudding. Now it's which pudding has less fat or trans-fat who knows!All I can say is get me to summer so I can relax for a couple months.

The Music We Are

Did you hear that winter's over?
The basil and the carnations

cannot control their laughter
The nightingale,back from his wandering

has been made singing master over
all the birds. The trees reach out

their congratulations. The soul
goes dancing through the king's doorway.

Anemones blush because they have seen
the rose naked. Spring, the only fair

judge, walks in the courtroom, and
several December thieves steal away.

Last year's miracles will soon be
forgotten. New creatures whirl in

from nonexistence,galaxies scattered
around their feet. Have you met them?

Do you hear the bud of Jesus crooning
in the cradle? A single narcissus

flower has been appointed Inspector
of Kingdoms. A feast is set. Listen.

The wind is pouring wine. Love
used to hide images. No more.

The orchard hangs out in lanterns.
The dead come stumbling by in shrouds.

Nothing can stay bound or be imprisoned.
You say " End this poem here and

wait for what's next" I will. Poems
are rough notations for the music we are.

My Spring Break

Haven't written anything in a while. My life has been really high on the stress scale. My spring break started off with Logan in the hospital for having 14 seizures. Two days later he was shipped off to his dad's doing mill work. As if things weren't bad enough.
As for me, I've got a throat problem, I can't talk and I've got two girls talking to me saying I was talking behind their backs, which isn't true I didn't even know what I was supposedly saying, happened. On the bright side, I'm painting my room and it should be done in the next couple of days. ( It's blue :) ) So much for my stress free spring break. I could really use some support right now, I feel like I've got no one.

There will always be a battle between the sexes because men and women want different things. Men want women and women want men.

Forgiveness

A letter written to a man on death row by the Father of the man whom the man on death row had killed:

You are probably surprised that I, of all people, am writing a letter to you, but I ask you to read it in its entirety and consider its request seriously. As the Father of the man whom you took part in murdering, I have something very important to say to you.

I forgive you. With all my heart, I forgive you. I realize it may be hard for you to believe, but I really do. At your trial, when you confessed to your part in the events that cost my Son his life and asked for my forgiveness, I immediately granted you that forgiving love from my heart. I can only hope you believe me and will accept my forgiveness.

But this is not all I have to say to you. I want to make you an offer -- I want you to become my adopted child. You see, my Son who died was my only child, and I now want to share my life with you and leave my riches to you. This may not make sense to you or anyone else, but I believe you are worth the offer. I have arranged matters so that if you will receive my offer of forgiveness, not only will you be pardoned for your crime, but you also will be set free from your imprisonment, and your sentence of death will be dismissed. At that point, you will become my adopted child and heir to all my riches.

I realize this is a risky offer for me to make to you -- you might be tempted to reject my offer completely -- but I make it to you without reservation.

Also, I realize it may seem foolish to make such an offer to one who cost my Son his life, but I now have a great love and an unchangeable forgiveness in my heart for you.

Finally, you may be concerned that once you accept my offer you may do something to cause you to be denied your rights as an heir to my wealth. Nothing could be further from the truth. If I can forgive you for your part in my Son's death, I can forgive you for anything. I know you never will be perfect, but you do not have to be perfect to receive my offer. Besides, I believe that once you have accepted my offer and begin to experience the riches that will come to you from me, that your primary (though not always) response will be gratitude and loyalty.

Some would call me foolish for my offer to you, but I wish for you to call me your Father.

Sincerely,
The Father of Jesus

Forgive

Top 24 Christian Pick-up Lines

1) Nice bible.

2) I would like to pray with you.

3) You know Jesus? Me too.

4) God told me to come talk to you.

5) I know a church where we could go and talk.

6) How about a hug, sister?

7) Do you need help carrying your bible? It looks heavy.

8) Christians don't shake hands, Christians gotta hug.

9) Oh you are cold, Ecclesiastes 4:11.

10) Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?

11) What are your plans for tonight? Feel like a bible study?

12) I am here for you.

13) The word says "Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry." How about dinner?

14) You don't have an accountability partner? Me neither.

15) Do you want to come over and watch the Ten Commandments tonight?

16) Is it a sin that you stole my heart?

17) Would you happen to know a Christian woman (man) that I could love with all my heart and wait on hand and foot?

18) Nice bracelet (WWJD). What would Jesus date? I mean "do."

19) Do you believe in Divine appointment?

20) Have you ever tried praying at a drive-in movie before?

21) Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me.

22) My friend told me to come and meet you, he said that you are a really nice person. I think you know him. Jesus, yeah, that's hisname.

23) You know they say that you have never really dated, until you have dated a Christian.

24) Yeah I predicted David over Goliath.

Amazing

The week's just gone by so fast. It seems like once you hit Monday BAM! There you are and its already Friday. I was trying to keep my mood light today, just talking about nothing important and having a few laughs. Didn't work out quite the way I wanted it to. I think I'm going through that "phase" that I've heard is common amongst women. You know, those few days where all you want to do is be alone with your own thoughts, and you'd rather not talk to anyone at all. Hopefully it will pass, I mean I like being alone sometimes but, ok for example yesterday was just awesome. Here's a story for you:
So we have school and by like 11 02 I'm completely exhausted and just ready to hit the floor. We get out early from school at 1 00 to go to a hockey game...Which I don't attend....anywho. I walk up to Mac's and buy two energy drinks ( for 5 bucks, honestly ) and that just boosted me up. I walk down to Logan's, and then remember he's at the doctors. Waiting for him to get back I end up playing a game of crib ( I'm cool I know ) and having the best time with Travis- is brother. Logan finally gets home and the fun doesn't end there. We end up walking to centennial and just laying on top a hill talking and anything that came to mind. We found the swings and had a little traditional childish fun on those. When we got home he let me gel his hair into a mini Mohawk and we took a bunch of pics with us together. All in all it was an amazing day.

We had a talk him and I, about that day and how it was just so simple, it didn't cost anything it wasn't far and we had the best time we've had together in awhile. I've always known I love the simple things the best. They let you be yourself, those times you share with someone and it doesn't matter what you do as long as your together. You don't have to get dressed up, I think it's something to do with being outside as well. I'm just so thankful for that day when we were able to connect. I know God was looking down and smiling.

Interesting Day

Alright. So today wasn't totally useless. I made some progress. School as we all know is a complete waste of my time but I went through the motions today. Has anyone ever done that besides me? You just go through your day not really taking it in so you can get through to the part you like. Take today, all I wanted was to get till after school so I could finish all my homework and just sit and relax. I actually did it. I got home, did all my homework and here I am sitting in front of my computer.
Cooking was interesting today. We had to make eggs but the way she made scrambled just made you lose your appetite. So I did them the way I always do- MICROWAVE! So, 5 mins later I have perfect eggs while people next to me have the egss that look like they actually want to be put in the garbage, along with toast, catelope and grapefruit juice I'd say its the best breakfast/lunch I've had in a long time.
Have you ever been so sleep deprived that everything becomes a big joke to you? That's exactly what happens to me. Im so tired that everything just becomes insanely funny. Sometimes I'll just laugh out loud at something I was thinking, or worse; I'll laugh at absolutely nothing. I was sitting in wood work today and I saw a friend using a ruler. For no reason at all I thought it was hilarious and was laughing so hard my stomach hurt....talk bout tired eh?

Pray

The Room

Greg read us this essay at youth the other night, by a guy that died and he wrote this essay about what heaven is like.

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endlessly in either direction, had very different headings.

As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "Girls I have liked." I opened It and began flipping through the cards.

I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match.

A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.

A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I have betrayed." The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. "Books I Have Read," "Lies I Have Told," "Comfort I have Given," "Jokes I Have Laughed at." Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've yelled at my brothers." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done in My Anger."

"Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents." I never ceased to be surprised by the contents.

Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to write each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked "Songs I have listened to," I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it - shamed, not so much by the quality of music but more by the vast time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded.

An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind, "No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!" In an insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card.

I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it.

The title bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel With." The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on it's handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand. And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him.

No, please, not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again.

He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me. Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. "No!" I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was, "No, no," as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards.

I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side.

He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished." I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.

Trouble In Paradise.

The day Scott left the church wasn't that emotional for me as it was for other people. Maybe it was the fact that I hadn't been a part of the church very long. I think it was mainly because what he said was exactly right. He needs time for himself so he can understand what its like to be a real person. Can you imagine living for 300 other people and not actually knowing yourself? Your career is showing others how to be one with God and yet he has no idea who he is. I believe that if he hadn't done this soon he would have gone into depression or worse, he'd start to blame God and lose faith. Its a new chapter for everyone. A fresh page and everyone gets to write what they want. Scott will write about finally being able to connect fully with his kids and find himself, while others will write about their experiences with the "new" church and how it has changed them. I'll write about how I was grateful for Scott and that I'm excited about our new beginning.

The C word

A new template.... A change. I normally dont like change, but the fact that I can control this change, whenever I feel like doing, so is appealing. I can do whatever I want to this blog, it is completely in my control.
Its a powerful word control. Has different meanings, for both good and evil. Example; God controlled the world, or Satan controlled sins. You can never use this word lightly..."Oh yeah my day was pretty good, since I control my parents and can do whatever I please".
Now loss of control, that's a whole other issue. That's why we want to have control in the first place. So we don't lose it. Once we lose it, we feel all is lost. If you can't control your kids you feel like everything is slowly getting worse and your losing everything you hold dear to you. As much as I want to say that you should just let go, come what may I'd be lying. If I said thats how I live my life, I have tried, I can say that but the fact is I can't. I need to have that control on everything possible so I don't feel incompitent and so I have some meaning.
Isn't that why both men and women want to be "in charge" of the relationship? Its not about sharing and doing it together like it should be. Its about one having control over the other. The woman wants security, and she knows its no gurantee so she wants to be able to say exactly where the relationship is going, where its at and where it will end. The man thinks its his job to keep the woman in line. If he didnt feel like he at least had the control of saying, "get me this" and having her do it, then he'd feel like he had nothing.
Its a tricky buisness. I think for the next week my goal will be to just let things go; have someone else tell me what I should do instead of thinking, I can do it myself thanks.

Any Credit?

Gunna throw a religious question out there.....

When something goes well for us in our lives, do we get no credit or is it all giving to the big guy upstairs. For example; A guy finally turns his life around after being addicted to drugs for countless years. Does he get any satisfaction in saying, I've done it. I'm proud of myself...Or is Thanks God for turning my life around for me.

An Act Of Stupidity

A Romanian man ended up in hospital after he tied string around his penis to avoid going to the bathroom.

Vasile Barbulescu now faces months of complicated surgery to correct the damage caused, according to local press.

He was taken to hospital in Galati in southeast Romania where he admitted wrapping string around his penis to put off going to the bathroom until he got home.

Doctors have said they are unsure whether they can repair the damage and say he faces repeated surgery.

Dr Alexandru Iurea who treated the man, said: "He told us he had tied it round really tight. When we finally got it off we saw his penis had massive injuries."

Prayer For The Day

Dear Father in Heaven, I come to You in the name of Jesus and I pray for parents and young people today in all walks of life who are struggling with the threat of unrighteous relationships. Help them to live a life that is pleasing to You. Deliver them from the fear of men and give them the grace to cut all ties with those that would lead them into wickedness. Fill them with Your Spirit so that they will have the holy boldness to take a stand for truth and righteousness. May we all treat the wicked that we encounter with compassion and kindness, yet be able to speak the truth in love, so as to help them, and not join them. Give parents Your wisdom to help their teens through the temptations all around them, especially in the inner cities where crime is rampant. Bless the workers and evangelists You have sent to these cities. Provide for them and protect them as they work among the streets. Protect us all from evil and destruction. Help us to overcome evil with good, as You told us to do, and let us be that light that shines in the darkness. Amen.