Vacation time

Going away till monday.... Won't be able to blog. Make sure nothing too amazing goes on at church. I hope everyone has a good weekend.

Was it Him?

God's been driving me insane these past few days. I've been doing my thing, talking to Him and whatnot, but I don't hear anything. Which is alright by me because I know I will eventually if I just keep talking, well praying. The interesting part about all of this, is that it feels easy for me. Everyone says they have problems talking to Him, but me I just talk because I know He's aware of what I'm actually thinking, so I might as well say it. The hard part, is that I don't feel changed when I talk to Him. I feel like, Ok God, I've talked to you, I've told you what I'm afraid of, I've told you what I wish for the future, now it's up to you. I don't feel lighter in a sense, sometimes I feel at peace. There was this one thing on the way back from the park and felt like He was there for a moment. I was walking down the street and the wind was blowing, I didn't think much of it until I stopped ( for some reason ) and I felt the wind wrap all the way around me and then out again. I have no idea what that is supposed to mean, but as soon as I started walking again, I was thinking; " Was that God just then?"

Good Day

I had a good day today. Made some dessert thingys, not quite sure what they were called; but their for the banquet tomorrow. Hope lots of people are coming, it's gunna be sweet. Went over to the Minor's to make spaghetti sauce, to find out that they were already done. So Jill, erne, Jesse and I walked all the way back. They were having a fare-well party-dinner type deal at the Greensheilds for Darlene ( I actually haven't met her, so I really hope that's her name -sorry if otherwise ) anyways, and she's moving which kinda sucks since I never got to know her. Did know enough to know she's as awesome singer. All in all I had a good day ( wearing all white, who woulda guessed ) and now it's time I hit the sack.
Later Days :)

Call of the White

What is it about wearing white that just makes you feel so good? Sometimes if it's an "ify" day I'll wear all white and I just feel awesome. Clean and pure almost. Hmmm. Maybe in a way it brings you closer to God. No idea how though...

How does He do it?

I'm afraid I might be turning this blog into non stop religious questions. That's alright though, I've got other things to talk about as well, but as I read the Bible, I just have more and more questions.

The one main thing from holding me back to fully believing in God is just that I don't know how He has the time for everyone in the world. There's just so much science that I've learnt in school that shows how things come to be, and I just wonder how did God know to do that, to make this happen? How does he help me everyday through my struggles with full attention and meanwhile help everyone else in the world who believe in Him as well...

My Religious Questions

I used to do yoga. A lot. And I was watching a movie where a girl was doing yoga. Anyways, it got me to thinking, should Christian people do yoga? I mean once you start learning about it and the three Shakras ( your inner soul ) I then started to wonder; is this leading away from faith?

I got home today and decided it was a good time to get back into the Pj's and sit in front of the TV, maybe grab some crackers and watch Pretty Woman. I was just in the mood. Then I thought, are Christians aloud to take breaks? Are we aloud to have some couch time to just sit and do nothing? Or are we always supposed to be out doing everything we can to be closer to God? If that's true my summer's gunna be a lot different from last year....

As much as I want to believe in the Lord, I'm finding myself holding back. Now more so than ever. Even though I'm reading a book that helps you understand the meaning of life and how God is working through us, I've also picked up the Bible for some nice summer reading. But what concerns me the most is the people I love, who don't believe in God. When it comes to eternity, I am not going to be happy knowing that there are people who had major roles in my life, no in that other lovely place. Once I realized this I got so angry and upset I thought for a minute that if I didn't believe in God, maybe it wouldn't happen. Like when we die, whatever we believe will happen, will in fact happen. It's not the way it works though and I know that. But I gotta be honest I wish it sometimes.

I pray. I pray a lot more than I used to. I was just wondering, does God answer our prayers for people who are not religious? If your praying for someone who is hurt and you ask God to help them through this hard time, will that prayer be left unanswered because that person does not believe?

With our culture it's so hard to differentiate our own needs and the needs of our Lord. You go through life and your liking yourself, you think you've got it going the way you want, and then you think, wait. Am I not supposed to have my life the way I want it? Is this the way God would have wanted it. I find it the most difficult when it comes to school. Sometimes when I know I have homework, but there's youth that night and I really want to go, I'll choose that over the homework because I'll figure; Hey, this is for God so it must be more important. But is that right?

I've got more questions I'm sure. But there's a few to start us off.

My spin on forgiveness

I've been having so many thoughts lately about faith and God and all these other issues that I've been writing down in a notebook and thinking about them to try and resolve and answer the questions. Some though I don't think I can just answer by myself. Anyways, before I do a post on all these questions I've got, I was reading a post by Connie about forgiveness and I feel a little differently about it's definition. I feel it means more like; giving up the hope that the past could be any different. I love that definition, because it doesn't mean that you then have to accept the person back into your life. Forgiveness does not mean I now want to have you over for dinner. It doesn't mean I want to associate with you. It just means I will no longer be tied to the past.

They voted Christy Turlington, to have the best lips in the world. What do we think?

Changing up the blog again, I get bored easy. I've already alphabetized the links page. I'm so cool.

A Mother's Miracle

It was one of the hottest days of the dry season. We had not seen rain in almost a month. The crops were dying. Cows had stopped giving milk. The creeks and streams were long gone back into the earth.

It was a dry season that would bankrupt several farmers before it was through. Every day, my husband and his brothers would go about the arduous process of trying to get water to the fields. Lately this process had involved taking a truck to the local water rendering plant and filling it up with water. But severe rationing had cut everyone off. If we didn't see some rain soon...we would lose everything.

It was on this day that I learned the true lesson of sharing and witnessed the only miracle I have seen with my own eyes. I was in the kitchen making lunch for my husband and his brothers when I saw my six-year old son, Billy, walking toward the woods. He wasn't walking with the usual carefree abandon of a youth but with a serious purpose. I could only see his back.

He was obviously walking with a great effort...trying to be as still as possible. Minutes after he disappeared into the woods, he came running out again, toward the house. I went back to making sandwiches; thinking that whatever task he had been doing was completed. Moments later, however, he was once again walking in that slow purposeful stride toward the woods. This activity went on for an hour: walk carefully to the woods, run back to the house.

Finally I couldn't take it any longer and I crept out of the house and followed him on his journey (being very careful not to be seen...as he was obviously doing important work and didn't need his Mommy checking up on him). He was cupping both hands in front of him as he walked; being very careful not to spill the water he held in them...maybe two or three tablespoons were held in his tiny hands. I sneaked close as he went into the woods. Branches and thorns slapped his little face but he did not try to avoid them. He had a much higher purpose.

As I leaned in to spy on him, I saw the most amazing site. Several large deer loomed in front of him. Billy walked right up to them. I almost screamed for him to get away. A huge buck with elaborate antlers was dangerously close. But the buck did not threaten him...he didn't even move as Billy knelt down. And I saw a tiny fawn laying on the ground, obviously suffering from dehydration and heat exhaustion, lift its head with great effort to lap up the water cupped in my beautiful boy's hand. When the water was gone, Billy jumped up to run back to the house and I hid behind a tree. I followed him back to the house; to a spigot that we had shut off the water to. Billy opened it all the way up and a small trickle began to creep out. He knelt there, letting the drip, drip slowly fill up his makeshift "cup," as the sun beat down on his little back. And it came clear to me.

The trouble he had gotten into for playing with the hose the week before. The lecture he had received about the importance of not wasting water. The reason he didn't ask me to help him. It took almost twenty minutes for the drops to fill his hands. When he stood up and began the trek back, I was there in front of him. His little eyes just filled with tears. "I'm not wasting," was all he said.

As he began his walk, I joined him...with a small pot of water from the kitchen. I let him tend to the fawn. I stayed away. It was his job. I stood on the edge of the woods watching the most beautiful heart I have ever known working so hard to save another life.

As the tears that rolled down my face began to hit the ground, they were suddenly joined by other drops...and more drops...and more. I looked up at the sky. It was as if God, himself, was weeping with pride. Some will probably say that this was all just a huge coincidence. That miracles don't really exist. That it was bound to rain sometime. And I can't argue with that...I'm not going to try. All I can say is that the rain that came that day saved our farm...just like that actions of one little boy saved another.

I don't know if anyone will read this...but I had to send it out. To honor the memory of my beautiful Billy, who was taken from me much too soon....But not before showing me the true face of God, in a little sunburned body

Certain thoughts are prayers. There are moments when, whatever be the attitude of the body, the soul is on its knees

Summer

Summer's Here. So excited. Im done with exams and everything. Just glad for a break and to be hanging out with everyone.

Hmmmm

Question. I was thinking about the whole religion thing. What if, if we believe in God, we will either go to Heaven or Hell. But for those who have other religions, wouldn't they go where they think their God has intended them to? And for the non- believers, wouldn't they become the souls that wander amongst the earth?
-Just a thought.

Quote

No man treats a motor car as foolishly as he treats another human being. When the car will not go, he does not attribute its annoying behavior to sin, he does not say, "You are a wicked motorcar, and I shall not give you any more petrol until you go." He attempts to find out what is wrong and set it right

Collage

Made a collage today.... With different verses and stories about faith and God. Made the word God in rose petals near the bottom. Looks pretty sweet. Its going to hang over my bed so that I'm always reminded of what I should be waking up for. I know I shouldn't need a physical reminder, but right now I need to make sure that God is always in my life because he hasn't become the main focus yet.

A Lesson

A minister tells us that he was spending several days in one of our western cities. He put up at a hotel, and one morning he heard, while up in his room, the most wonderful whistling he had ever listened to. It seemed like the note of a bird, but he thought it could not be that, for there was a perfectly regular tune kept up with much power. Though he was in the third story, yet the music came gushing up in its sweet melody, and seemed to fill the whole house. He ran downstairs to get a sight of the wonderful performer, looking every man that he met in the face.

At last, he asked the clerk who it was that had such amazing power as a whistler. Laughing at his simplicity he pointed him to a canary bird that had been trained to perform in this way, and was valued at $150.

"How was that bird trained to sing this way?" the gentleman inquired. In reply the clerk told him that during the training process the bird was nearly starved and shut up in a room that was almost dark. While it is under this severe discipline, and its attention undivided, a bird organ is made to play this one tune over and over again, for days. Hearing nothing else, and taught by his troubles, the poor little bird takes up the tune which he performs so perfectly.

Thus it is that God permits his people to be afflicted that they may learn the heavenly song. He shuts them up in the dark room of sorrow, away from the tempting sights and sounds of the world, that they may, without distraction, listen to his voice and learn to sing the higher melodies of glory. Blessed are those who patiently wait the Lord's good time to work out their deliverance. When the song of Grace is fully learned, he brings them into a large place, sets their feet upon a rock, and others learn from them the sweet song of redeeming love.