Dream Prayer

I've been trying to talk to God all week. Doesn't seem to be working. I talk, I try to listen, I try to find my center, when I'm in cafeteria, measuring out cookie dough. It's just not working for me. Then, couple nights ago, I had a dream. The problem is;I don't remember it. The only thing I do remember is that I was having a conversation with God, and he was talking back to me. I was in that state where you know you're dreaming, but your kind of awake. I could hear myself talking to him, and a voice that I recognized as His. When I woke up, I had no idea what was said by either of us. I woke up full of joy, which slowly diminished as the day rolled by, I'm still trying to hold onto that feeling though. I want to know it when I'm awake.

Diable

I'm having some trouble with Satan. The fact is, I have an insanely hard time believing in him. A harder time than before I believed in Jesus. It just doesn't seem right. -Aren't we the ones messing up? Not because someone was stalking us and trying to tie our shoes in knots so we fall? It just doesn't seem probable to me. Aren't I the one making the mistakes?
Because we are Christians is it fair to chalk it up to Satan whenever we mess up. I feel like when I was little. I didn't break the lamp....The devil did. He made me. Not that I think people can make anyone, do anything. We always have a choice. So I suppose its much better for me to say "he tempted me." I made the choice to listen to him however. I didn't have to. So how is it that you know when the devil is influencing your thoughts, or is it God. I know it might seem obvious to know the difference, but lets say that you have this great job, and your boss tells you, that do move up you need to move across the country. You go to consult God and you swear he keeps telling you not to go. But was that really God talking there? Or is Satan trying to keep us from our dreams. You could decide that's what happened. That you really should move. But then there's the wonder if, what if it God. What if the plane crashes that I'll be on? Or maybe when you arrive you find that your new position in work doesn't fit with your morals, that you have to compromise who you are to work in your now current conditions.
I guess my main question is; how do you who's who? Who's playing God and who's trying to ruin your life.

Yet another quiz

Your Inner Muse is Urania

You are most like this muse of astronomy. Your head is in the stars, and you look to the future. You give off a heavenly, mysterious vibe. And you're not too bad at predicting the future.

What Muse Are You?

Change of plans

So I'm not quite doing what I had expected. I thought I was taking some time to think and such, but I guess God was like, there's more important things going on. I'm still taking some time, I'm just doing it while still with Logan. When the whole thing happened this week, there wasn't a question that he was where I needed to be. So God had different plans. Not to say I shouldn't take the time to get to know him better, but maybe that I don't need to stop some of my life to do so. I just need to manage my time better. Go to him with things instead of relying on myself. I just know that my life could be better. Only He can give that to me, but I have to let Him first.

Prayer Request

Logan's currently in the hospital. He was sent from school because of a seizure, he had a major one over night. He could really use from prayer. I'll try and keep everyone updated.

Alone with myself

Being alone is not something I like to do very often. Really alone. I'm alright with being alone in the house, reading or watching TV. But when I just have my thoughts and I'm forcing myself to do nothing else, it scares me. I don't know how to act around certain people. I don't really know what I'm like so I can't be "myself" with other people. Well, that's not entirely true. I've found a few people, and I mean like 1 or 2, that I can be open with, and I just don't understand why I can't be like that all the time. So now I'm alone, working on myself and having to rely completely on God to be my everything, my friend, my mentor, the one that listens to me cry in the early morning and the one who puts me to sleep with His soft words. I need to get to know Him, go get to know myself. I can already see it's going to take a long time, I'm not even looking forward to it. But I need to do this until I know, because I don't want to have to do this again later.

Rants, Wishes and Dreams

Went to the prayer meeting on Tuesday. I left with a feeling of hope for the week, and the hope that tomorrow would be a good day. My "happy feeling" only lasted about 20 mins after I got home. I guess that's what happens when life hits you.
I was thinking last night about this issue I've had for some time, I just never thought I should tell anyone. It would make me seem weak, or undesirable or something of that nature.
Grade 8 was a long time ago. Sometimes that's the year I miss the most. Not because it was easy but because I had friends. Throughout the years I gave those friends up. Not because I thought I was better but because our common interests were no longer the same. They loved talking about the latest thing some girl did to her boy-friend. I wanted to talk about why we couldn't all just get along. I was looking at the bigger picture. I think right now that's my down fall. My brain is somehow too mature for my age. I can laugh and joke and everything, but when people make comments, racist jokes I just don't find them funny. Sometimes I wish that I wasn't different from everyone else my age. That I could somehow rewind and go back to when I was 12 and then I could interact with people I do now. Then I would know what it's like again to have a bunch of friends, but more importantly, the select few that I could count on, that could count on me. I could tell my secrets to them and not worry that everyone would be talking about them the next day. I wish I had friends that would want to hang out with me, for me and not just because I could help them with their homework or give them a piece of advice.
It's not all their fault though. I admit there are times when people ask me to do things and I'm just not in the mood. I think what I need to do is put myself out there more, be willing to go to people instead of wait for people to come to me. Like Greg said on Tuesday, lets end prayer in a dream.
I dream of a day when I have real friends.

My Relationship with Jesus

I've been putting off this post a long time. It's been walking around with me for a bout a month now. I just kept convincing myself I didn't have the time, even though I had the time to sit and watch Tv for hours. For me, its always been the goal to have a relationship with God. Yes Jesus was our savior, but we want the big guy to talk to us. I don't think I've heard someone say I got this message from Jesus to do something, it's usually I got the message from God. I've actually never really thought about it twice. To try and establish a reltaionship with Jesus. Why really? There's God. Yes Jesus was the Son, but weren't they the same person? God is a human uniform. So isn't it really, thanking God for sending himself down, and then moving right along to have your relationship with GOD. Maybe I need someone to explain it to me. I just can't really comprehend why we need a relationship with both, when they are in fact the same person.