Rants, Wishes and Dreams

Went to the prayer meeting on Tuesday. I left with a feeling of hope for the week, and the hope that tomorrow would be a good day. My "happy feeling" only lasted about 20 mins after I got home. I guess that's what happens when life hits you.
I was thinking last night about this issue I've had for some time, I just never thought I should tell anyone. It would make me seem weak, or undesirable or something of that nature.
Grade 8 was a long time ago. Sometimes that's the year I miss the most. Not because it was easy but because I had friends. Throughout the years I gave those friends up. Not because I thought I was better but because our common interests were no longer the same. They loved talking about the latest thing some girl did to her boy-friend. I wanted to talk about why we couldn't all just get along. I was looking at the bigger picture. I think right now that's my down fall. My brain is somehow too mature for my age. I can laugh and joke and everything, but when people make comments, racist jokes I just don't find them funny. Sometimes I wish that I wasn't different from everyone else my age. That I could somehow rewind and go back to when I was 12 and then I could interact with people I do now. Then I would know what it's like again to have a bunch of friends, but more importantly, the select few that I could count on, that could count on me. I could tell my secrets to them and not worry that everyone would be talking about them the next day. I wish I had friends that would want to hang out with me, for me and not just because I could help them with their homework or give them a piece of advice.
It's not all their fault though. I admit there are times when people ask me to do things and I'm just not in the mood. I think what I need to do is put myself out there more, be willing to go to people instead of wait for people to come to me. Like Greg said on Tuesday, lets end prayer in a dream.
I dream of a day when I have real friends.