Last day of school, and My dream girl

Its the last day of school. I can't say I'm not excited. It's a bit of a drag that my parents are both sick, but at the same time I couldn't be happier that Christmas is almost here. I'm not completely prepared for it, I haven't even attempted at wrapping, but hey, I've got a week right?. I feel better than last time I wrote, I was reading last night and some of the information brought on such relief for me. I still feel a little strange, like I can't quite tap into the right emotions, or have my emotions really show through my actions. I'm working on it though and I definitely feel better than yesterday.
I've got a person I'm my mind, and she's great. She's kind and thoughtful, soft spoken but makes her voice heard. She's smart and polite. She doesn't have bad hair days and she can look great in sweat pants and a sweatshirt. She respects people and they respect her in return. She has a beauty that cannot be described, because it is her goodness that shines through from the inside. She has God as her right hand Man, he is always there to talk and to listen. She has a good family life, her parents and her get along so well. And her boy-friend is always happy to see her, and to show her love.
Now why is it, that I can't be that. That person of who I want to be is right there, and I can't seem to grab her hand. When I am faced with opportunities, I fall short, until after when I think of what I should have done, if I'd not acted so quickly. I pray one day she comes out of hiding, and I can be the person I see God wants me to be.