Years in the making

So I've been gone a while... a long while. Guess I just didnt have anything to say. I most likely just got lazy. Im gunna have to give some thought into an actual good blog but just so everyone knows... ( even though I'm sure no one is reading ) I'm back.

My eyes narrow as I see the name. My stomach flips and the imaginary butterflies within are fluttering. It's just so soon. It wasn't meant to be, yet here I am left wanting. How can that be? I know the appropriate emotions to have at this point, but rationality has flown out the window along with all reason. My heart sinks as I understand that they have moved forward with their lives, whilst I am continuously struggling to fathom that I have been left behind. My feelings are not as they should be, but there is a point where you cannot control their intensity.

I can feel the despair creeping to the front of my mind in the dead of night. Lonely hours spent pondering endless possibilities. You wonder if your soul will ever know the pleasure of rest. The emotions are swirling, and not knowing which to choose; you endure the pain of them all. The hours pass by, your memories will not cease to replay themselves in the depths of your consciousness. You ask yourself millions of questions, to which you are well aware will forever be left unanswered. You can smile because you are hopeful, and weep because you know your hope will remain unfulfilled. Those thoughts are brewing towards the surface and you cannot hide. You make an attempt to swallow down your anger and frustration, your only solution is to wait, in absolute silence.

What has the world come to

Desperate woman bent on having a date here.
I've never felt so ashamed to be a woman in my entire life.

Do you ever have those moments where you want to overhaul your life? You want to read a book that will give you the how to's with tips and strategies for when life throws those curveballs. You want to somehow just get over yourself.You want to be happy all the time. You want to greet people and have them feel good on the inside because of your presence. You want to impact people. You want to stop your love for complaining.
I love the rain. It makes me feel more comfortable with my surroundings. I can somehow feel "myself" come out a little easier. Everything feels cozy in a sense. Peaceful. There's a great smell that comes with the rain. It smells clean, fresh. I adore it. Blogging has been on hold for some time. Basically meaning I'm writing these thoughts to myself, which is kind of relaxing.

At some point I'm gunna have to look in the mirror and say hey, you and me are stuck together, so we gotta make this work.

Sweet Postcard